If Not Me, Then Who--Thoughts on the Foster Crisis in America

Okay, my friends, I know that the last few posts are far from being about a slightly crunchy lifestyle.  Sometime soon, I will write about how to choose healthy fish to eat or whole food lunch ideas for vegetarians (because I know you'd all be interested in that, haha!).  For now, though, I feel compelled to write some things that I've been mulling over and wrestling with.

Someone quoted this to me last night:  "The orphan crisis in America was so much easier to bear before I knew their names."  For some reason, that statement stunned me.  I knew that there were 400,000, give or take, children in foster care in the U.S. on any given day, but for some reason the idea that we have an "orphan crisis" going on here never crossed my mind.  But think about this:  research shows that foster children are more likely to experience homelessness, poverty, compromised health, unemployment and incarceration after they leave the foster care system.  Only about half get a high school diploma, 2 out of 100 get a bachelors or higher, and 84% have their own children too young, therefore continuing the cycle of poverty and, too often, neglect. (www.angelsfoster.org)

There is a cycle of abandonment, neglect and abuse rampant in our society, and I believe that it comes down to this:  We are not respecting other people as humans.   Otherwise, how could there be 18(19?) murders in a town the size of Montgomery, Alabama in a three month period of 2013?  How can 1 in 5 children be the victim of bullying?  We don't value each other.  We don't stop long enough to think this is a person before judging them for disagreeing with us, wearing the wrong clothes, having the wrong skin color, or the wrong family background.

I said in my last post that every baby deserves a family, to be loved and adored just because they are who they are.  But doesn't every child deserve a family?  I'm really wrestling with this as we are called about placements.  We love being foster parents, but it is hard.  Do I want to do this more, take on more, love more, hurt more?  And then I think about James (1:27):  Pure and genuine religion means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

Which leads me to ask this question, "If not me, then who?"  Who will step in and stop the cycle?  Live and let live is not good enough.  We have to be willing to wade in where life is messy.  Jesus never turned away from a person who needed Him, never backed away from a challenge, never, throughout centuries, left us to fend for ourselves.  We must look at these needy ones through the eyes of love and have the nerve to say, "I will."  There is an orphan crisis in America and every one of the 400,000 of them is a person, with a name.

Preparing for Baby on a Budget

With one child in private school and one child starting college this year, I have very little disposable income.  I do get a stipend for being a foster parent, but not until after I have a child living with me for awhile.  It's important to me that I have a warm inviting place for a baby, so as soon as I knew we were going forward with this, I started planning.

Things have changed a lot since we had our biological children nearly twenty years ago, so I needed to start out by learning about what I really wanted to have. While I was still thinking about all this, my cousin posted on facebook that she was ready to give away some of her baby things and asked if anyone wanted them.  I jumped on it!  When she came south for summer vacation, she brought a car loaded down with baby items:  a pack-n-play, a swing, a bouncy seat, an exersaucer, a play mat, and a bunch of little clothes!  Woo-hoo!  So, my first bit of advice would be to ask around...you never know who might be giving things away. 

Next on my list was a car seat.  A new infant car seat starts at around a hundred dollars and goes up from there.  If you want the travel system, you're looking at more than three hundred dollars.  I had a very specific model of car seat that I wanted and finally found the deal I was looking for.  I bought a Chicco Keyfit 30 carseat, which has a couple of years left before it expires, with an extra base and a Baby Trend Snap-n-Go stroller for a hundred dollars.  If I had bought this new in the store, it would've cost three hundred and eighty dollars.  Once I washed the cover on the infant carseat, it looks brand new.  Experts will say that you should always buy a car seat new because you never know if it was in a crash before being sold.  I bought mine from a military family and trusted that they were truthful, but it's definitely something to consider.

Finding a baby bed at a bargain price was difficult.  Baby beds start at around one hundred and twenty dollars.  The biggest problem for me was that drop-side cribs have been phased out and since I'm a foster mom, I have to comply with current safety standards.  I wanted a used bed, but had a really hard time finding one.  Finally a fellow foster mom called me with the perfect bed she had found on a yard sale list on facebook!  I paid forty dollars for a beautiful fixed side wood crib. I enlisted my dad to help make sure everything got screwed in tightly and it's great!  Another mom from church gave me her mattress, so I didn't have to pay anything for that.  

Some other friends gave us their changing table/dresser that they didn't have room for when they moved into a new house.  All I had to do was buy a changing pad and cover for the pad.  My total out-of-pocket cost was around thirty dollars.  (Plus some pizza I had to pay my son and his friend for going to pick the dresser up).

I bought bedding for the crib for sixty dollars at Target and I went with it because it blended with the orange walls I already had in that room (not my choice, we are renting!  I have to admit though, it looks really cute).

I found a really nice diaper bag for half off on Amazon.com and borrowed an extra from my sister whose youngest child is now almost four.  I bought a couple of little church outfits off of eBay for a quarter of what I would pay retail, and some expensive bottles for much less than I would pay at the store.  I made the art for the nursery myself.  I bought a cute rug on Overstock.com for forty dollars.

All in all, I've probably spent four hundred dollars, which seems like a lot until you start adding up what I would've paid had I bought everything new.  The total comes to over eighteen hundred dollars.

So, to recap, here are a few strategies for saving money when creating a nursery and collecting items you will need.  

• Make a master list of things you are looking for.  Be specific.
• Know how much you want to spend and don't go over that amount.
• Ask your friends if they have anything they are wanting to clear out of the attic!
• Join local yardsale facebook pages and recycle groups.
• Shop Craigslist and eBay, but be prepared to ask about recalls and expiration dates
• Follow Baby Cheapskate for good deals on baby items.
• Check Amazon Outlet and Daily Deals for low prices.  Be willing to take any color.
• Target has great daily deals, too!  Also, check the end of the aisles for clearance items at Target.
• Spend a little bit each week or two so that it doesn't seem like a big expense at one time (like college, ack!)
• Find out when the big consignment sales are in your area.  Take your master list and a cash amount you are willing to spend.
• Start collecting coupons and joining baby clubs.

I've had great luck shopping this way, but it does take some time to hunt the best deals.  In this case, I think it was worth it.  Now, since my little one is eating cereal, I'm off to look for a good deal on a high chair!

Five Things I've Learned as a Foster Mom

The baby with us now is the sixth that I've had a hand in raising.  I have two biological children, two babies that I was a nanny for, and two that I've been a foster mom to (so far). 

I've always been pretty good with babies, but being able to take someone's crying baby in the nursery and calm them doesn't always translate to home life 24/7.

Things I've learned from my babies:  

1.  If I'm calm, my baby is more likely to be calm.  Babies look to their mum for how they are supposed to react to things.  If I'm tense and upset, babies pick up on that tension and are fussier and harder to calm.  

2.  All babies are different.  This sounds like a no-brainer, but if you read some of the parenting or sleep books, you might get the idea that if you only did this schedule or that one that magically your baby will sleep all night and take two hour naps during the day.  It may work that way, but if it doesn't, your baby's not weird, just different.

3.  Babies cry.  Yep.  Sometimes you've fed them, changed them, given them a nap, checked to make sure nothing's scratching, poking, annoying them, and they still cry, and that's okay.  

4.  Every baby deserves parents who are fully devoted to them.  Whether we have a baby for a week, six months, only during the day, or for life, that baby deserves a parent who thinks he or she is the cutest, sweetest, most precious thing ever.  Yes, we have to let go of our foster babies, either to be reunified with their family or to go on to another forever family, but while they are with us, we are their real family.  

5.  Some days you just have to let go of your to-do list and hold the baby all day.  We are all busy. Between church and school and work, sometimes it seems like we only meet ourselves coming and going.   But there are days when the baby didn't sleep well or is teething or going through a growth spurt and on those days, the best thing I can do is just relax and snuggle.  Then we both feel better.

Natural, Homemade Baby Care

Well, once again the homemade products win out over the store-bought.  My wee one had a horrible diaper rash and we had tried everything.  Sensitive wipes, only water, different diapers, twenty-four different creams from the original (Desitin) to the expensive organic (California Baby).  This diaper rash refused to go away.  It was bad!  The doctor prescribed an anti-fungal, which knocked it back a bit, but within a day or two it came back with a vengeance.

At the latest checkup, I asked again about the diaper rash, only to be told that what we were doing was the treatment.  As I was thinking about that on the way home, I remembered radiation and how rough it was on my skin.  I used shea butter and often, the skin would be less red in the morning, which is really unusual for radiated skin.  So I swung by the health food grocery store and bought every product I could think of with anti-fungal, anti-microbial and anti-inflammatory properties.  I ended up with shea butter, coconut oil, cocoa butter and tamanu oil, plus a few other things like talc-free baby powder and a cream that cost fourteen dollars!  This is desperation.

I'm ecstatic to report that the diaper rash is gone.  I'm still using the cream I made as a protectant but I'm so happy with the results!

In addition to the diaper rash cream, I also made some diaper changing solution which I am using instead of wipes.  I cut up some old flannel to make cloth wipes and it's working like a charm. (I toss them in a pail of vinegar and water until I have enough for a load of wash).

The dream team...note the recycled jar :)

For anyone interested in the recipes, here they are:

Diaper Rash Cream

2 oz raw unrefined shea butter
1 oz cocoa butter
1 to 2 oz tamanu oil
2 oz coconut oil

Melt together over low heat.  Let cool.  Whip to the consistency of frosting (Add coconut oil as needed).  To use, make sure the diaper area is dry and the slather it on.  It melts when it makes contact with skin.


Diaper Changing Solution (adapted from this recipe at Wellness Mama)

1 3/4 cups chamomile "tea" steeped in boiled water
1 tbsp almond oil
2 tbsp Triple Wash (Dr. Bronner's baby castile soap would be a good alternative)
2 tbsp Witch Hazel

Add all ingredients into a glass jar.  Seal and shake.  Pour into spray bottle for diaper changes.

There is no question that this process is more labor intensive than popping the top on a box of wipes and using them, but it is so much kinder to the environment and to baby's tushie.  

Blessing and Honor

So, this little hand is going to be holding onto mine for a while.  Could there be a greater honor than to influence the life of a child?  We know our little baby won't remember us, but we will have impacted his life for good.  I am humbled by the task and find myself lifting this little life to the Lord so often.

Today, I'm in tears because of a chance encounter in the grocery store.  Someone stopped me to look at the baby and then, without stopping to think, placed his hand on the baby's foot and spoke a blessing.  You are good and strong and you will lead nations to Jesus.

It's part of our mission to speak blessing into these little lives that pass through ours, but I never expected that a perfect stranger would do the same.  How did he know how much I pray that our little one would know the love of Jesus and that Jesus will always be a friend?  How did he know that I pray daily that our baby will grow in the knowledge that God has a brilliant future planned already?  He couldn't know, this stranger in the grocery store.  I can only guess that he was moved by the Holy Spirit.  But what a treasure to hear those words spoken over this child I already love.

This baby isn't mine, any more than any of our loved ones are--they belong to God.  And we can rest assured that He will love them more than we can ask or imagine.

Purpose Driven Christmas Gifts

It's a busy season.  It's hard to manage everything we have to do, much less slow down and just enjoy each other.  The shopping is crazy!  The pressure of picking the perfect gift is extreme!

Over the last couple of years in our family, we've tried to scale back a little bit.  Think more, spend less.  Do things a little more intentionally.  If you're doing the same, here are a few ideas.

The Santa Hat from Krochet Kids, or any of a bunch of cute, cute hats and scarves crocheted by actual women in Africa or Peru.  (You can actually write the person who crocheted your hat).  You can read the company's mission here.  I'm not saying who, but someone in my family is getting a really awesome hat from KK this Christmas!

My daughter and I've been fans of Light Gives Heat for a few years now.  Each piece of jewelry is handmade by the Suubi women in Uganda.  They are beautiful!  You can read more about their mission here.

Feed Projects has a lot of bags and jewelry to choose from.  Each FEED item has an ulterior motive--to provide nutritious meals for people who are hungry.  This particular bag provides one month of AntiRetroViral treatment and 30 nutritious meals, providing one month of life-saving assistance.  Learn more about their mission here and check out their cute selection of holiday gifts here!

Drink Coffee. Do Good.  This is the slogan of Land of a Thousand Hills Coffee in Roswell, GA.  I first had their coffee at a conference in Atlanta.  Y'all know I'm a coffee connoisseur and I love this coffee.  It's rich and full of flavor.  If you have a coffee lover on your list, this is a great gift!  Check out their story here and their selection of coffees and merch here.

Theo Chocolate is delicious, but the Theo Congo Initiative is supporting a whole community by helping them learn to process cocoa beans and market them in the U.S.  If you buy one (or ten...good idea, right?) of these chocolate bars, a portion of the proceeds goes to TCI.  Learn more about their mission here (and shop, of course!).

I love the idea of giving gifts to my family that also have a positive impact on our world.  Share your gift ideas in the comments!

Freezer to Crockpot Meals

I've talked about my love for the slow cooker before.  I use it all the time.  It's one of those kitchen appliances that never gets put away.  As easy as it is to prep the food in the morning and come home to dinner ready, there are some times in life when you need it to be even easier than that.  Having a new baby, the beginning of a school year, a busy time at work, or a deadline approaching are a few that come to mind.

Those are the times when you need dinner on the table with no thought required.  It simply needs to be filling, nutritious.

I have a few go-to meals that I make when life is crazy.  If I can, I prepare in advance and have these in the freezer.  I used to only make one at a time, maybe filling another freezer bag when I was making dinner.  I don't know why I didn't think about prepping all at once, but there have been an explosion of freezer to crockpot meals which gave me the push I needed!

So, here are my five favorite freezer to crockpot meals, plus a bonus one!  Oh, I should tell you that some of these have ingredients that are not super healthy.  Use these at your own discretion!

Ranch Pork Chops

1 can cream of chicken soup
1 packet ranch dressing mix
4-6 pork chops

Mix the first two ingredients.  Pour over chops.  Cook on low 4-6 hours.

Beef Fajitas

1-2 lb flank steak or brisket etc.
1-2 tbsp fajita seasoning
1 medium onion, sliced
1 bell pepper, sliced
1 can rotel tomatoes

Slice meat into strips, add vegetables and cook on low 6-8 hours.

Potato Soup (from Joyful Momma's Kitchen)

1 bag hash brown potatoes (cubed)
1 box of broth (I use no-chicken broth so that this soup will work for my daughter)
1 can cream of chicken soup (I use cream of mushroom)
1/2 cup onion, chopped
1 8 oz package cream cheese.

Add soup and broth to the pot, stir.  Add potatoes and onion.  Cook on low 4-6 hours.  With thirty minutes left, add one package cream cheese (and a bag of frozen corn, if you like).

Brown Sugar Chicken (from Six Sister's Stuff, I think)

1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
2-3 cloves garlic, minced.
2 tbsp soy sauce
black pepper
1/4 cup sprite or 7up
4 chicken breasts (I use thighs--organic breasts are just too expensive)

Add all ingredients to bag (except the sprite or seven up), shake.  When you add it to the crockpot, add the sprite in with it.  Cook on low 6 hours.

Coconut Curry Chicken (I halved this recipe and can't find the original, but I'll keep looking!)

3 lb boneless chicken
2 lb chopped butternut squash
2 med onions chopped
8 garlic cloves, minced
1 oz fresh ginger
2 T curry powder
1 tsp coriander
1 tsp cumin
coarse salt
2 cans coconut milk

Add everything to the bag and squish to spread out the spices.  Before cooking, dump the bag into the crockpot and add one can of coconut milk.  Before serving, add another can of coconut milk.  *I'm not gonna lie, it was a pain and a half to cut up the butternut squash.  You can buy it already chopped.  Next time, I'm definitely doing that!

Santa Fe Soup 

4 chicken breasts
2 cans of beans (I use black and red)
1 can of Rotel tomatoes
1/2 onion
1 box chicken broth
one jar salsa
one bag frozen corn

Add everything to the bag.  When cooking, dump bag in crockpot.  Cook 6 hours.  One half hour before it's done, add half a jar of salsa and a bag of frozen corn.

What I usually do is take one of the Ziploc bags and put it in the refrigerator overnight.  You don't have to do this, but it makes it a lot easier to put the contents in the crockpot the next morning.  That's it.  It's ready to go.  I first discovered freezer to crockpot meals on the blog Once a Month Mom.  It may be easy to dump cans into the crockpot in the morning, but these are delicious meals that are even easier!  One hour of prep and, if you double the recipes, you can have ten or twelve meals in the freezer.

Y'all, seriously, there is nothing better on the planet than having dinner make itself!

Happy to be Here

Happiness is all about perspective.  My kids hate it when I say that because that statement is sure to be followed by another one that goes something like this, "At least you have a cell phone."  Or "I'm sorry you have to share a bathroom with your sister, but at least you have a bathroom."

There were a lot of things that changed in my life last year.  A new state, a new city, new house, both of my kids in school, a new church, a disease I wasn't planning on getting and everything that still goes along with that.  Even so, I'm as happy as I've been in a long time.  Although the stage of cancer I had was relatively easily treated, if it had been found later, my life span would be quite a bit shorter and a lot less pleasant.

One of the things that cancer doctors tell you is that stress is bad for you, so I spent some time last year learning to be less stressed.  To accept the things in my life that can't be changed and to embrace the things in life that are good and focus on those.  I've found that I am much more content when I'm focusing on the good things in life and not on what I wish I could change.  I enjoy the little things a lot more and don't worry as much about the rest.

Truthfully, I'm just happy to be here.

Eat to Live or Live to Eat?

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I went to the doctor at the supportive care clinic the other day because there are some side effects from cancer treatment that I haven't been able to manage on my own.  One of the side effects is the nearly forty pound weight gain.  The doctors I saw were very kind.  They reminded me that after a complete hysterectomy/oophorectomy, my body is in a kind of metabolic shock, especially given the fact that not only am I not taking hormones, I'm taking medication to reduce them even further.  

Considering that my regular doctor told me that if I just ran six miles every day that I wouldn't be overweight, it was so nice to have understanding.  Understanding doesn't solve my problem though, so they set me up a meeting with a nutritionist and we went through my diet item by item and figured out ways that I could reduce the calories.  Basically, I'm doing a diet based on diabetic exchanges but tailored for me.  

It's hard to make big life changes, but I'm in this health thing for the long haul, and being overweight increases my risk of cancer recurrence.  So, what does that mean for the blog?  It means that you will hopefully still see recipes, but they will more likely be simpler recipes that I can easily measure to count on my eating plan.

I debated about mentioning the diet on here.  I mean, what if I mess up and end up gaining weight?  Well, I guess it won't be the end of the world.  So, here we go.  

By the way, my nutritionist included cupcake calories.  Isn't that great?!  I may have to save up for a couple of days to eat one, but as long as I'm on an eating plan that includes cupcakes, I think I might be able to make it.  

What's for Dinner?

I'm always looking for quick and easy meals.  A bonus is when I can tweak it to fit all of our tastes, even my vegetarian daughter.  This one fits the bill.  It's a one dish meal idea that someone put on Pinterest as something good to take when someone has a baby or a surgery.  I thought it would be good to try on my family first!

Ingredients:
Boneless Skinless Organic Chicken Breasts
Frozen Green Beans
Small Red Potatoes, quartered
1/4-1/2 stick butter
Italian Dressing Mix*

In a 9x13 dish, place the green beans down the length of one side, the thawed chicken breasts in the center, and the potatoes down the length of the other side.  Sprinkle the Italian dressing mix over the whole dish and dish butter out over the top.  You can add as little or as much butter as you like.  I found that it was really just for flavor.  For my vegetarian child, I added a third vegetable instead of chicken into a smaller dish.  I used cabbage, but asparagus or broccoli would work, too.

Bake at 350* for one hour.

This was not a meal that I would eat and think gourmet food, but it was organic, filling and very good.  It was also quick and easy, and one pan clean-up!

*You can buy a dry mix at Fresh Market or Whole Foods or make your own if you don't like to use the pre-packaged Italian dressing mix, I have a recipe for a dry seasoning mix:  1 tbsp each of onion powder, sugar, and dried parsley.  2 tbsp of oregano.  1 1/2 tsp of garlic powder and pepper.  A pinch of thyme and a pinch of celery flakes.  (There are recipes everywhere.  If you don't like the one I have, just look around a little, you can probably find another one.)

This is a great meal for people with kids who just like ordinary food.  There's no quinoa or cous-cous or anything else grainy or weird looking.  It's just good food for dinner.  (Definitely stick some rolls in the oven though...yum!)